polychromeash's Blog

Clarity is the lens; honesty the bravery to look through that lens.

I can not deny a hefty chunk of who I am hinges nearly entirely on my biomachinery.  Remove even seemingly insignificant pieces, and my experience of clarity will be significantly altered.  

I have seem to be allotted the experience of my awareness via this biomachinery; and I further my experience by engaging my senses.  Should I be lacking in any one of these senses, again my clarity is significantly altered.  

This is what encourages me to conclude, for the short and fleeting moment (no matter how relieving) I have no other Expectation

than to engage this Awareness, to see through my senses. . 

Simply, I can not be anything more or anything less or anything other than Me.
While my experience of being human, and specifically female can be shared in the broadest sense it cannot be prescribed, and I am unsure because of our common uniqueness that any philosophy can be prescribed and applied with complete accuracy to a common principle.

I aim to list books as I complete them as suggestions for potential reading *granted* I actually *finish* a book! LOL  I have the worst self-induced ADD when it comes to my interests!  (Will update from top, no need to scroll to bottom for most recent addition to this post :)

Forgiveness by Jay Vickers

I have had this book for nearly 15 or so years and have just gotten around to reading it all the way through.  This morning I was quite pleased to have *actually finished a book* as I have previously covered, I lack this "book finishing" thing the Talented speak of :P  

As for "Forgiveness". .I picked it up, put it down, and did so two or three times over the aforementioned years because my wounds and my wrongs simply didn't respond to the religious overtones.  Even though the book references a variety of 'holy' books to support its points, it still in many ways failed to convince me of the 'virtue' of forgiveness.

Life has taught me forgiveness enables one to release the burden of being wronged (subjective); and forgiveness allots the one in the wrong (subjective) an opportunity of a new beginning.  I believe in forgiveness primarily because life is too short to go around carrying a ton of bricks. .we make mistakes, some accidently, some quite deliberately. .people are compassionate, people are sadistic, the world keeps turning regardless, as should we I suppose ;))

Either way, this book showcased some beautiful verses; whether they are practical concepts still escapes me. 

Now, on to the next book!  

A Constant Suicide by Brian Krans

I ordered this book, inspired by a quote showcased on Tumblr.  Mr. Krans is a writer from the Midwest, and the book based on said quote seemed as if it would be based on a "He who loses his life will find it," concept.  I was mistaken.  In viewing the book as a literary piece I say~ please, please, please, please you took my time in the form of currency to pay for the book, and you took my time in the form of experience to read the book, please have the common courtesy to correct your spelling errors.  I would then say, have you heard of the "Rule of Three"?  You made your literary point the first time, the second time I read your copy cat "raw wit" you're just repeating yourself.  

 

Perhaps if I was younger, I would have viewed Mr. Krans as he seems to have aspired to be~ raw, cutting, revolutionary.  But I come from a different time than he, and Brother these are the things we were discussing in our Freshman lunch line~ In. Highschool.  

 

Last, and perhaps most imporantly, the Suicide Death Manual excerpts are about the highest form of socially irresponsible journalism out there.  But thats me.  I can only answer for me, and the Ripple Effects I myself send out into this Awareness.

 

 

The Self-Sufficient Life and How To Live It: The Complete Back-To-Basics Guide by John Seymour 

 

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf is a 1975 experimental play by Ntozake Shange.  

 

Compilation of favorite passages:  "i have loved you assiduously.."~ lady in red; "..half-notes scattered w/out rhythm..the melody-less-ness of her dance.."~ lady in brown; ""..let her [be]..handled warmly.." ~ lady in brown; "..if dancin waz proof of origin i was jibarita herself that nite.."~lady in blue; "..we gotta dance to keep from cryin we gotta dance to keep from dyin.."~ lady in yellow/lady in brown; "..hold your head like it was a ruby sapphire.."~ lady in orange; "..we are left wit the scars bein betrayed by men who know us.."~ lady in red,lady in blue; "..we must have known women relinquish all personal rights in the presence of a man.."~lady in purple, lady in red; "..grime from age wiped over once.."~ lady in blue; "..where the poor white trash wd sing/moanin/strange/liquid tones/thru the swamps..violins n marble floors..stale lights snatched at the shadows..creole..her splendid red garters/gin stained n itchy on her thigh..spread crimson oil on her cheeks.."~ lady in purple; "..TOUSSAINT was a blk man a negro like my mama say who refused to be a slave..&didnt low no white man to tell him nothin not napoleon not maximillien not robespierre.."~ lady in brown; "..she glittered in heat..she slowed to be examined..her waist waz aching to be held..to be brushed with lips & fingers..smellin of honey & & jack daniels she waz hot..deliberate..she wanted tobe unforgettable she wanted to be a memory a wound to every man arragant enough to want her.. she was.. wrath.."~ lady in red; "..dazzle of hips painted w orange blossoms &magnolia scented wrists..sparklin thighs..so divine devastatingly bizarre..embroidered w lilies & moonstones.."~ lady in red; "..i had convinced myself..girls had no right to sorrow/&i lived&loved that way&kept sorrow on the curb.."~ lady in orange; "..i'm finally bein real/no longer symmetrical & impervious to pain.."~ lady in purple; " ..then there's that woman who hurt you/who you left/3 or 4 times/&just went back/after you put my heart in the bottom of your shoe/you just walked back to where you hurt/..a real dead lovin is here for you now.."~ lady in orange; "..somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff..now you cant have me less i give me away..who is this you left me wit/some simple bitch widda bad attitude/i want my things..my arm..my leg..my calloused feet..my mouth..stealin my shit from me/dont make it yrs/makes it stolen/ somebody almost ran off wit alla my stuff/&i was standin there/lookin at myself/the whole time&it waznt a spirit took my stuff/was a man..faster n my innocence/was a lover/i made too much time for.."~ lady in green; "did you know someone almost got away w me/me in a plastic bag under their arm/me danglin on a string of personal carelessness.. gotta have me in my pocket/to get round like a good woman should/..why dont ya find yr own things/&leave this package for me for my destiny.."~ lady in green; "one thing i dont need is any more apologies..cuz a sorry i am simply tired of collectin..beatin my heart to death talkin bout you sorry.."~lady in blue; **"..i loved you on purpose.."**; "..you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wana just dont give it to me i cant use another sorry.."~ lady in blue; "..next time..steada bein sorry alla time enjoy bein yrself."~ lady in blue

 

Finished the book!  Onto:

 

The Diaries of Adam & Eve Translated by Mark Twain by Mark Twain: Truly a delightful read.  Very easy (took me maybe two hours to read on a breezy day), witty, with just enough sentiment to make it memorable.  Will be looking to order a similar book by Mark Twain featuring Joan of Arc :))

 

Onto:  Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer:   the story of this young man, inspired my posted piece a while back "142 Equals 7"....